


7 Minutes In Heaven (Atavan Halen)

by barakitten



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Depression, Other, Suicide, bipolar, fall out boy - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-02
Updated: 2015-09-02
Packaged: 2018-04-18 17:38:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4714610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barakitten/pseuds/barakitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(A story based on Pete Wentz's suicide attempt in 2005.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	7 Minutes In Heaven (Atavan Halen)

**_" Fall Out Boy star Pete Wentz opened up about his long battle with depression in an interview with Playboy. Wentz said he's had to see therapists since he was a child and is often suicidal. The musician stated, "The hardest thing about depression is that it is addictive. It begins to feel uncomfortable not to be depressed. You feel guilty for feeling happy."_ **

**_Wentz has Bipolar Disorder, and has taken medication for it since he was eighteen. In February 2005, Wentz attempted suicide by taking an overdose of the medication Ativan, and as a result, spent a week in the hospital. Commenting on the event to a magazine, he said:_ **  
**_"I was isolating myself further and further, and the more I isolated myself, the more isolated I'd feel. I wasn't sleeping. I just wanted my head to shut off, like, I just wanted to completely stop thinking about anything at all."_ **

**_The suicide attempt was put into song form, "7 Minutes in Heaven (Atavan Halen)" and released on their album, From Under The Cork Tree. After this event, Wentz moved back in with his parents. Wentz later spoke of his suicide attempt to the support site Halfofus.com and cites Jeff Buckley's version of the Leonard Cohen classic "Hallelujah" as a song that saved his life. "_ **

.......

The words just poured out onto the page for him. Pete had always had a knack for writing, and using that for Fall Out Boy was a big success.

But he didn't feel like it.

All of the doubt, the thoughts, the voices. He just wanted to be able to go a day without feeling like he was a nuisance. Every movement and word was judged by his conscious. The days would melt into nights without him knowing, the minutes seemed to tick by slowly. After another episode today, he just wanted to be done with everything.

He wanted to stop thinking about everything. He wanted his head to shut off.

Yes, he realized that they were all worried. When weren't they worried about him? They were scared for him, but more than anything they were scared _of_ him. He's a monster. He destroys everything he comes in contact with. He was even destroying himself.

And it was right there. His escape. The bottle was sitting right in front of him on the dashboard of his car. Maybe doing it in a parking lot wasn't the smartest idea, but it was what his mind thought of first. He could do it in the apartment, but Patrick and Joe were there writing or possibly throwing another horrible party. So, the apartment parking lot in his vehicle was the best bet.

Maybe here no one would find him in time.

As the thoughts consumed Pete's mind once again, he wanted it to finally end. _Needed_ it to end.

His hand was around the container before he could think of anything else. Then the cap was off, and he lost track of time when more than half of the bottle was already down his throat. He was forcing them down dry desperately, stopping when his throat finally refused the third to last pill. It was almost ironic that he was using his anxiety pills to end his life, he decided. While waiting for it to kick in, he placed the cylinder back onto his dashboard behind the steering wheel.

He found that the wait was the hardest part. He had to _wait_ for his body to start rejecting the drugs and killing him from the inside out. He had to _wait_ to die.

Though, that's when it hit. He started slowly getting colder, and he could feel a sweat breaking out right beneath his hairline. His stomach was turning, and that was a bad sign. If he threw up, it wouldn't work. He wouldn't die. Then his hands were shaking. And everything else, too. His heartbeat alone wanted to kill him, almost beating out of his chest. He tried to take a deep breath, but instead his throat constricted and the ache in his stomach was becoming worse.

_He was scared._

It hit him that he was about to no longer be him, and his breathing got even worse. But _, he would no longer be him._ And so he sat back in the seat and pulled his legs up to his chest. His eyes were getting heavier, his mouth was numb.

He could no longer feel his limbs. Before he let his eyes close, he saw a very happy Patrick skip down the stairs of that damn apartment. While fighting the drowsiness, the shaking got worse and he realized with a final thought that he was now convulsing, and that Patrick had seen him. Spotted him in his car, and Pat was no longer happy.

Even trying to kill the monster, he couldn't make everyone happy.

.......

All of the crew were calling each other on June 5, saying with tears, "We did it, he made it past 27."


End file.
